On my way

I’m on my nth mug of coffee for the day. It’s past midnight; few days before the October 2018 NMAT. I still got a lot of cramming to do, but here I am: finally deciding to document my journey towards living the dream of becoming a doctor.

Around the same time last year, I thought that I had already figured out what I wanted to do for the rest of my life. I was taking my master’s degree. I was pouring myself on a job which I loved; juggling statistics, organizing events, nurturing and motivating the youth, being a part of an amazing team. But it was also around that same time when I found myself denying the fact that I had countless tear-soaked nights induced by binge watching medical-related videos on YouTube. That I had literally sobbed over graduation videos of future doctors. That I incessantly felt a pang every time I had the realization that there once was a child who dreamt of wearing a white coat and carrying a stethoscope.

Recurrent was the thought that a piece of me has been, and still is, missing. And so I made a big decision (it was, of course, after considering things and talking with my loved ones). I left my job. I did not finish my MA. I enrolled back to my alma mater to take additional units of science subjects required by certain med schools. I finally made the first few steps towards finding that “piece.”

Since then, the journey has been a roller coaster (which, I think, is a topic for another day).  But now, here I am, thankful that I am living a day I once prayed for.

After a few mugs of coffee, counting down towards the day of the NMAT, amidst all the personal chaos I am experiencing right now, I hope that I would still be able to keep my grip on the main reason why I decided to pursue this: to be an instrument of healing and compassion. I share the anxiety being felt by the ones who will also take the exam on the 21st. But above all, I do hope that we, all, would do well and be a step closer to that elusive “MD” title.

P.S.

This is my first blog post. My apologies if my thoughts are all around the place. I cannot say that someone would take time to read this anyway. Hehe. Otherwise, if there is someone out there who will be reached by these thoughts of mine, I know that you are also trying to find answers; perhaps, experiencing the same scenarios I have went through, looking for signs.

All I can say is this: the answer is within you.

(Originally posted on my tumblr. 10/19/18)