NMAT: Sa piling ng Fres mint candies

I cried. I was among that sea of hopefuls, shamelessly parading my welling eyes for an apparent reason: that moment made me realize that I was not the only one relentlessly praying every night for wisdom and a high score. That maybe, I was not that special to be granted with the opportunity to achieve my aim of the highest possible percentile rank, that there are other individuals who deserve it more than I do.

I know. This is my usual “pessimist” self. Or maybe, my “overwhelmed” self.

I prepared myself for the NMAT; went early at the testing site thinking solely about my selfish goal. But what I didn’t expect were the lessons and realizations I had because of this wonderful experience.

Confused ka na? Haha. Simulan ulit natin. Just read on.

I was accompanied by la familia for this “big day.” I took a few Fres mint candies from my tita’s stash and put it in my clear envelope (‘lam mo na, baka may makasalubong na kyuti patuti, sabay “hi” haha) together with the requirements and allowed items for the test. After having our breakfast, I took my first candy for the day.

Let’s have some fun. Okay, I said to myself, Fres has already spoken (haha); which, seemingly set my initial mood. After all, I was aware that being anxious about the test will not benefit me. On site, I followed the flow of inspection line. Possibly overwhelmed by the crowd, it was upon this time when I had that “bakit-ako-umiiyak” moment. After being cleared by the personnel, I took the stairs up to the 5th floor, challenging my baby fats to defy gravity. We had the usual re-checking of credentials and identity. We had our pre-arranged seating orders, and finally, after being oriented about the testing rules, went on to proceed for the Part I of the NMAT.

I persisted to embody the Fres mint candy quote, but honestly, the test got the best of me. With less than half an hour remaining, I succumbed to the reality that I answered some questions halfheartedly. 

I have always set high standards for my own self. This day was no exception. 

I left the room unhappy.

I had to pick up lunch as fast as I can, so I “walkathoned” my way towards the nearest fast food chain where my nanay and little bro was waiting. I told nanay my story. She only had words of motivation; which, undoubtedly, sparked my lost fire and determination. They accompanied me back towards the entrance of the testing site. 

I reached for my second candy.

Forgive and forget. I couldn’t believe that a statement behind a candy wrapper can leave me speechless. I thought, oo nga no; sabi ni Newt Scamander, “worrying means you suffer twice.” So I relived the “let’s-have-some-fun” attitude and decided, in that moment, to forgive myself.

Maybe, after all, what I did was enough.

After a few minutes, I was back at the 5th floor, panting, calming my baby fats. I took my third candy, and voila…

Dream on. 

That’s the confirmation, I thought. Compose yourself, bruh. You got this.

15 minutes past 12 noon — the same test administration process went on. Part II of the NMAT has officially started. 

And, bruh, it went smooth. I even had moments when I forgot that I was at a testing site; whispering, “ayan!” “boom!” “pak!” every time I encounter a familiar concept. One funny moment tho: Part II was meant to be answered in a shorter period of time, albeit consisting of more questions than the first part. Exactly 2 and a half hours for 4 subtests, 50 questions each. So when our proctor indicated that the current time is 2pm, I thought that I only had 30 minutes remaining to answer a million questions. So I pressured all my neurons to hustle for half an hour only to realize that we started answering at 12:50 and we were supposed to finish at 3:20pm. Sabaw moment NMAT edition. But it was still okay, tho. At least, I had time to review my answers. HAHA

Over-all, I am blessed to have these experiences. As I implied, I went with a selfish goal, but went home with a completely different perspective and deeper understanding as to why I decided to pursue medicine in the first place. 

A special thanks to la familia and my friends for the incessant support. Thanks to all the people who supported my fellow NMAT examinees.

Results will be out soon.

Let us all hope for the best.

(Originally posted on my tumblr. 10/22/18)